Dahntahn Pittsburgh

I recently took a trip back to the ‘Burgh to visit my family and detox from the madness which is Manhattan.  The trip was slated for four days of relaxation, but after my plane got cancelled last minute I found myself scrambling to find a rental car and then behind the wheels of said car for 8 “luxurious hours”.  With no advance notice to pack some healthy snacks I was in for a case of “Turnpike Tummy”.  This is a phrase my father coined.  Turnpike Tummy is the aching stomach condition obtained by eating food along the turnpike, although a few bad “meals” aren’t the end of the world, it’s not comfortable and if you can tolerate the pain eventually you’d probably look like this:

Advanced Turnpike Tummy

I also spotted a new item at one of the truckstops on the way home:

A self-heating meal that boasts a 5yr shelf life. Mmmmmm.

Don’t worry I didn’t experiment with that one.  Although I did try this once:

Not recommended

Anyways, what the hell does this have to do with fitness?  Well, once I arrived home in the City of Champions I gave Tod Hammer a call, Tod or Hamer or Hamertime is the Strength and Conditioning Coach for Robert Morris University.  Hamer was nice enough to let me come out to RMU and spend the afternoon observing him and his athletes.  It was a nice sunny day and on such days Hamer has his athletes do all their warm-up work outside on the field.  This made me extremely jealous since I work in a basement.  After the warm-up it was back up the stadium stairs to the gym, good music was being played, weights were lifted, and then back to the stadium stairs for an upper-body finisher of two rounds of Stadium Push-ups.  Starting at the bottom of the stairs each athlete crawled up performing one push-up per stair.  Hamer’s gym is not huge and with a lot of athletes it can sometimes get crowded, but outside he has plenty of space and with a creative mind he get’s the job done.

Another one of Hamers stadium creations:

After the athletes left it was time for Hamer and Rick (Hamer’s GA) to work out and they were cool enough to invite me.  I’m currently following Wendler’s 5-3-1 program which I highly recommend if you are solid with the basics, but if not, start here.  It was a deload week for me, which meant I wouldn’t be lifting much weight.  This was very difficult, as I am a man, and was surrounded by guys stronger than me.  It was especially difficult to check the ego in this situation because there was actually some good music blaring, squat racks were devoid of morons swinging around trying to “sculpt” their midsections, no one could give a shit if my deadlift was dropped from the lockout, and no one  was going to be asking me when there would be more cold eucalyptus infused towels available.  Heaven?  No, just a real gym.  After my deadlifts I did some rows on this:

Hamer said he thinks there should be more of these suckers in gyms than bench press stations.  I agree, but  I quickly imagine the switch taking place nation-wide on a Sunday night, and the following Monday riots breaking out across the land.  Hilarious, as it’s such a funny thought, and it makes me grin.  This of course would never happen because essentially your gym does not care about you, it cares more about your wallet.  Anyways, besides that beautiful body-supported row station your gym probably doesn’t have this either:

The Glute Ham Raise owned me.

Why?  Probably because it’s hard and just like the row above there is really no way to cheat.  It definitely embarrassed me; I have been doing Natural GHRs for sometime and didn’t think I’d have any trouble.  Wrong.   Now, back in Manhattan it’s deadlift day once again and I’m on my way downtown to a friend’s gym where they have the proper round plates and don’t mind if you make a little noise.  It will be a joyous train ride at rush hour in the rain…Pittsburgh is looking pretty good in my mind lately.  Thanks again for the experience Hamer.

Long before I started this blog, my friends, clients, and family would send me articles on fitness and nutrition that they would find, usually in their local newspaper or online news feed.  I still get these emails and encourage them, but I must admit they tend to stack up.  They stack up because I usually read a couple lines and realize they are not worth reading, they’re are so many good things being written by top level guys in the strength and conditioning, training, and PT fields that I can’t justify wasting the time reading lies.  But today as I empty my email folders I thought I’d post some of these and share my thoughts, good or bad.  First up we have a NY Times article sent to me by my lovely sister Molly.  “It’s Hip to Be Round” — this article blew, don’t click the link.  My sister sent it because she probably felt the same way; here are some quotes from this masterpiece:

“Having a belly one can bounce quarters off suggests that you may have too much time on your hands.” …And that you’re fit and less likely to have heart disease, diabetes, cancers, strokes, etc.

“It’s not cool to be seen spending so much time fussing around about your body” Ah yes, it’s not cool.  Always my guiding principle.

This sounds just like another one I was sent this week “Abs are for people with no friends.  I don’t do the ab thing,” says Eric Bana (actor). What the hell is the ab thing?  A bunch of heinous crunches?  Everyone has abs, they are just usually covered by unhealthy fat.  Change your diet, exercise, and lose the fat.  A lean stomach is healthy, crunches are not, and “The Time Traveler’s Wife” looks horrible.

Next is an article my girlfriend passed on to me “For the Body-Conscious, It’s  Now the Ankle That Rankles. ” Whoa; I thought this could be good, maybe it’s all about ankle mobility and how no one’s ankles move anymore due to their bad choices in footwear,

Sexy yes, but I prefer deep squats and perfect deadlifts...and bunion-less feet

I don't think these are sexy, but yes I have owned a pair

and how if they don’t fix this they will have trouble doing parallel squats and therefore won’t get that much out of their workouts, because if you don’t squat to parallel it’s just not worth it right?  Wrong.  This article also has a sub-title “Chubby Lower Legs, Latest Styles Don’t Mix As Women Wage Costly Fight Against “Cankles”  Awesome.

Quotables:

“Jennie Succio adopted a grueling workout regimen that included running uphill and doing dozens of lunges and squats. But she wasn’t going for a sculpted derrière or a chiseled abdomen.  Ms. Succio, 32 years old and the owner of a housecleaning business in Minnesota, wanted to slim down her chubby ankles.”  Ms. Succio: your uphill runs, lunges, and squats are awesome, many people don’t do these essential things.  But, the fact that your obsessing about cankles is ridiculous…and the fact that you may think that these lower-body focused workouts will fix your cankles is silly, get in shape, if you become good and strong with a low body fat percentage and still have cankles, well you’ve got cankles.  Screw it.

Some Sanity:

“Cankles may not respond to diet and exercise. “People profess you can cure it or get rid of it, but that’s highly questionable,” says Ethel Frese, an exercise physiology professor at St. Louis University. “You can’t just spot-reduce” fat deposits, she says.”

Thank You.

But (I try and start sentences with but as often as possible, it’s a slight f-u to all my high school teachers out there), does this science stop the geniuses at Gold’s Gym?  No.

“Gold’s Gym has declared July “Cankles Awareness Month” and is offering a customized “cankles-busting workout” at its gyms.”

Disgusting.  Oh, and how about this:

“Anthony Preischel, a personal trainer at the Mid City Gym in Manhattan, has designed a homemade short-term cankles remedy that involves applying Preparation H hemorrhoid cream to the ankle and then wrapping it in an Ace bandage overnight. He says the hemorrhoid cream helps reduce extra water weight that sometimes builds up in the lower leg.”

Dude, you suck, quit embarrassing my profession.  By the way, his gym is two blocks from me and one of their big marketing items is their tanning beds.  Gold’s Gym has tanning beds also.  Next time you’re gym shopping take this into consideration, you are looking for a place to get better and tanning beds can give you cancer.  This is not fitness.  These places don’t get it, move on.

Alright, I can only stand to do one more of these, because the truth is they all suck.  This last one is once again from my girlfriend and I’m sure she thought I’d find it funny, but I find it sad…”2xist Launches Men’s Shapewear”

The creative director of 2xist had this to say “It targets an area most men typically have trouble with and can whittle the waist two whole inches” and “Not everyone is shaped like the guy on the box.”  Then why the hell did they use the same damn box guy?  They should of used a chubby unshaven lad, with his fat billowing out over top of his spanx shapewear.  Now, that would be good.

But, I thought it was hip to be round!  Maybe they’ve changed their stance, as this article was published before the latter.  These could make it LOOK like you don’t have a stomach and then you would be perceived as not cool because you have time to actually stay healthy….augh this is so confusing.

In my opinion if you would rather wear the above instead of changing your lifestyle you suck at life and I’d probably say the same for anyone who wraps their legs with Preparation H and bandages while they sleep, just so they can wear the style of the moment.

Wheeeew, I just slid in under the one month mark for another blog post.  Hooray!  I’ve had some action packed weekends lately, including meeting  two “big deal” players in the Strength and Conditioning game – Mike Boyle and Joe DeFranco.  I thought I’d take some time to highlight my fitness-filled weekends here:

Testosterone Weekend 7/17-7/19

This weekend began with Friday night fights, hosted by Church Street boxing, who put on a pretty good show.  There were both Muay Thai and Amateur Western Boxing.  The main reason I was there though was to see my friend Tony fight, whom I had met the previous summer in Thailand while studying Thai Boxing and hadn’t seen since.  Tony was in from Toronto and was to fight that very night.  He fought a great fight that actually looked like Thai boxing, which is not always the case outside of Thailand.  But, unfortunately Tony lost in a close decision.

Tony preparing for battle.

Afterward, we re-hashed some of the better moments in Thailand, sharing a Ladyboy Bungalow at the beach.  “Chocolate Face” Tony getting hustled in Connect Four by 7-year-olds.   Wild Tuk-Tuk rides, and so on.  After several beers protein shakes, I was off to bed and excited for the following day.  Saturday was spent watching Joe Defranco’s World’s Strongest Athlete Competition in New Jersey, or so I thought — after my friend Tehera showed up late we rushed off to Penn Station and by then my metabolism caught up with me and I had to get some food and coffee (those protein shakes from the night before left me feeling a little groggy), so I got my coffee, got in line, spilled my coffee, got another, back on line, got on bus, drinking coffee (it is a superfood you know), and then my plan of “I’ll look up what stop we get off at once we get on the bus via my smartphone” didn’t quite work.  “I’ll call” I said.  Ring, Ring, Ring.  “Dude do you know we are like having a contest right now?!?!?”  the gentleman on the other line said. “Yes I know.”  “Well, we are on Hamburg Turnpike.” “I know, but what’s the closest bus stop?”  “I don’t know.”  “Well, do you have a computer in front of you? I can’t seem to get the info off of my phone.”  “Dude, we are really busy right now, I don’t know…” “Thanks,” I said.  So, now I am lost on a bus in NJ with two friends who seem to be a little annoyed with me.  We finally decide to bail at a random stop on the same street as the facility, and coincidentally  I noticed a gym member from work getting off there as well.  After we exchanged introductions she was nice enough to take us to her house and then drive us to the Overtime Sports Facility.  Thanks Sharry!  Once there, the events were obviously already under way with three levels of competitors: High School, Police/Fire/Military, and College/Professional.

The events were:

TIRE FLIP

High school athletes will flip a 600 pound tire 3X as fast as they can.

Police/Fire/Military contestants will flip a 600 pound tire 4X as fast as they can.

College & Professional athletes will flip a 600 pound tire 5X as fast as they can.

SUPER YOKE CARRY

High school athletes will carry a total of 370 pounds (including the weight of the yoke) for 60 yards as fast as they can.

Police/Fire/Military contestants will carry a total of 420 pounds (including the weight of the yoke) for 60 yards as fast as they can.

College & Professional athletes will carry a total of 460 pounds (including the weight of the yoke) for 60 yards as fast as they can.

BACKWARD/FORWARD SLED DRAG

This event requires the contestants to drag a sled backwards for 30 yards and then turn around and drag the sled forward for 30 yards.

High school athletes will be required to drag four 45-pound plates on the sled.

Police/Fire/Military contestants will be required to drag five 45-pound plates on the sled.

College & Professional athletes will be required to drag six 45-pound plates on the sled.

HAND-OVER-HAND ROPE PULL

This event requires the contestants to pull a weighted sled that is attached to a 75-foot rope, hand-over-hand, until the sled reached them.

High school athletes will be required to pull three 45-pound plates on the sled.

Police/Fire/Military contestants will be required to pull four 45-pound plates on the sled.

College & Professional athletes will be required to pull five 45-pound plates on the sled.

Here are some of my photos from the event:

Kevin Brock performing the Rope Pull

Brian Cushing

Three-Way Tie Breaker

DeFranco and the winners

The Pro division ended with an exciting three-way tie breaker between Mackenzy Benadeau of the Carolina Panthers (1st), Brian Cushing from Houston, Texans (2nd), and Kevin Brock of the Carolina Panthers (3rd).  The tie breaker was a 20 yard prowler push.  For complete details of the event checkout DeFranco’s and Overtime’s websites.  I also ran into my buddy Nii Wilson and after the event he gave my friends and I lift back to the bus stop.  Thanks Nii.  That night I took a break from all the testosterone by spending the evening with my girlfriend and this guy:

Bruno

Education Weekend 7/24-7/26

7/24 Read Chuck Wolf, Lee Taft, and Mike Boyle

7/25 Listened to Chuck Wolf, Lee Taft, and Mike Boyle Q&A with Chuck Wolf, Lee Taft, and Mike Boyle

7/26 Pondered the aforementioned items

More background info: Saturday was The Future of Functional Training Seminar with Chuck Wolf, Lee Taft, and Mike Boyle.  I couldn’t wait for this to began and enjoyed myself quite thoroughly.  All the speakers were good and Mike Boyle had some great quotes:

• “Organized child abuse,” referring to Ballet, Gymnastics, and Figure Skating

• “Type A psycho,” on the over-trained client who won’t take your advice

• “Please don’t mix my physics with Meta-Physics” on discussion with Gyrotonics teachers
• “Excessive mobility patients are the hardest to treat” I was loving this one, his presentation was on “A Joint by Joint Approach To Training” –  learn more and this comment riled up the dancers and theater folk in the audience as did his first quote about ballet.

I’m into that sort of thing.  Not so much toying with the emotions of the Performing Arts world, but the feather ruffling.   Coach Boyle is great at it — he wrote “Should Women Run”. Also, I actually did take some pleasure in him upsetting the theatre crew, because there is an unfortunate trend in New York City for out of work or semi-working singers, actors, dancers, etc to become Personal Trainers while they’d rather be singing, acting, or dancing.  Nothing pisses me off more (rant coming on) than people taking a crap on my profession.  So, if you do not wish to be in the fitness industry, leave.  If you are not willing to stay current with the research, buy books, attend seminars, observe other coaches/trainers, and continue to learn, leave.  Oh, and take the Smith Machines, Bosu Balls, pink dumbells, and your countless crunching routines with you.  Thanks, and goodbye.